BITCH!!!

Sometimes I wish I could just allow myself to be a total... BITCH!!! You know those days where you could just rip someone apart?. ("is it just me?" ;) Today is a day I just want to be like... "shut the **** up, your an idiot!" or "this is what pisses me off about you..." or "your not as ***** as you think you are , so shut it!" (fill in the blanks) awful huh! Or maybe just stand in the middle of a room and scream as loud as I possibly can... that would be good. Of course, for many reasons I cannot, one major reason is that I'm basically living with my friends sister, her husband and three boys, ages 2 yrs and twins that are 7 months old. They are so wonderful and I can't believe that they invited me to stay here. (I basically am a "mother's helper" for trade.) Another reason is that I always try to be the mediator so when I loose it, it doesn't go over well. People are very shocked and i always feel guilty afterwards. I don't like losing control and I feel it shows too much weakness. (YES, I do know I'm not right :). The joke is that I just found out a couple friends that D. and I met in Mississippi are going to be in town so we are all going to New York. I have been wanting to see N.Y. since I got here so, I am thrilled but there is still this underlining BITCHINESS. I know it will pass :) As soon as I get to the city I will get a Starbucks, iced venti sugar-free vanilla soy caramel machiotto, and take in New York. It will be great, I love being in a big city. Wish me luck :)