Plans change...

So just as the title says, plans change. i know this should not have such negative feelings attached to it but right now it certainly does. Through my years I've come to understand that it usually ends up making sense but, when the initial fall out happens you just want to... SCREAM!!!!! I just want to be like what the FUCK? When is it going to work out? When is a plan going to come through? When is a friend going to follow through with.... anything? AHHHH!!! You know? So my suspicions have finally been confirmed. The "plan" that i was hoping on happening is not going to happen. I moved from California to Connecticut full of hope. When i made a friend that was searching for a new life , i thought, perfect so am i. :) yah! This could be great! So what's happening... well my friend is thinking about moving to California. Yes, i said cali. This is a watch what you wish for moment. i wanted a friend that wanted a life change like me... this is exactly what i got. haha! i move across country and so does he :) i almost have to laugh... almost :) so where am i now? Alone in a place i have no clue about. i know if anyone can do it, i can, but holy shit! i just need a couple days of panic. i will pull through but holy shit! haha! My instinct is to flee, but i cant do that to the other friends I've made here, which are his family (awkward much? :). i also don't want to lose my friend but my instinct is to completely bail. This is one of my personality traits I've been working on :) this is a test, just a test? I'm waiting for the siren to go off and it to be a real emergency. Biggest joke... flee to where? i certainly would not return to California and that is the only place I know anyone. The great part is that its a good kick in the pants. i was in need of one and here it is. Time for it to be all about me and time to prove to myself i can do it. What i need to figure out is what i want. See through all the panic. Do i want to live in New York because i like it or because I like the idea? I have always wanted to live in a real city. So should i give it a year? Maybe that's the idea? What's a year anyway? I've never experienced seasons... snow freaks me out :) who know? This week i will do a lot of thinking and soul searching... we'll see.